I Would Rather Be Ashes Than Dust...A Eulogy

By request, here is the full text of the eulogy delivered by Sean at Kirsten's funeral. Please feel free to share it with anyone who may have missed the service. The family has endured this past week through support from so many friends and relatives. Your intentions, and your efforts are appreciated more than we could express. Thank you all.

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I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.

I found this quote from Jack London on Kirsten’s website. It speaks to a place in all of us – a place of real strength and passion. It calls us to be present, and to act! It reminds us to keep the spark of life burning brightly. My sister, like my father before her, shined so brightly. They both possessed a powerful intellect that is unmatched in my experience. Kirsten’s burned with such intensity that it reached around the globe. But the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

There is a natural period of grief we all must endure as we let go of a daughter, a sister, a friend. I personally have been crushed by waves of emotion all week as I sort through all she left behind. I appreciate the tears. They remind me how much Kirsten means to me. They keep me present, and force me to evaluate what is truly important in life. I do feel a sense of loss, but I’m not willing to indulge despair. Kirsten has already found peace. Now I must surrender to what is, and just let her go to find my own. I am not here to mourn the loss of Kirsten. I’m here to celebrate the blessing of her presence in of our lives.

I had the unique opportunity to join Kirsten at work one day on the beach in Florida. We had coffee, breakfast, and arrived on the beach well before dawn. We spent the day scouring a 10-mile beach of white sand looking for white eggs the size of a quarter. She could spot them from a moving ATV, while I could hardly see the small birds who gathered nearby, indicating their location. She was incredibly sensitive to her surroundings which allowed her to be of great service in her work.

More than any other animal, Kirsten fought to protect the turtle. To her, it represented the bridge between land and sea, relying on both for its survival. This sensitive creature, vulnerable to forces on both land and sea, was, to Kirsten, the canary in the global coal mine. Kirsten studied, traveled, educated the public, accepted awkward living conditions, and even broke laws to ensure this majestic creature’s survival.

Like the turtle, Kirsten was timid and fragile beneath her thick protective shell. The same sensitivity that helped her excel in her work also created much pain in her personal life. If there is any tragedy to be found in her life, it is this: she often failed to give herself the same unconditional love that so easily flowed through her work.

It seems to me that Kirsten was at home out in the world, easily thriving outside her shell. While away, she developed a power that she rarely displayed at home. In her travels, she seemed to grow larger. Through service she found her power. She simply shined when her work inspired her. Anyone that saw her at work saw the selfless efforts of a true custodian to Mother Earth. Her conservation work kept her spark burning, and when it was lit, she was immense. Peter witnessed this on a visit to Jekyll Island, GA. Mom saw it on Antigua. And I saw it full-force on our travels through Malaysia. When she was in her element, she attracted to her all kinds of unique life experiences. For example, she told me once that she received 6 marriage proposals in one day while working in Barbados. This is hard to believe at first, but having glimpsed her world once or twice, I’d believe almost anything.

Still, at home, she did come down to earth from time to time, and had a spontaneous, wacky sense of humor. She had a wonderfully endearing soft side that was perhaps best known by my sister Megh, and her family, Tom and Gabriel. When she wasn’t eating movie popcorn, she also made some world-class southwestern food. Before this week, I knew her mostly through family. As the responses come in from friends near and far, I’m delighted to see she had such far-reaching positive influence.

Just two weeks ago, we gathered to welcome my beautiful nephew, Sebastian to the family. Now here we are to bid farewell to Kirsten. Although the tone of these two events is vastly different, the circle of life is now complete. Birth and death are but two ends to a life, equal in value, and equal in joy. They cannot exist without each other. Death is the one certainty that we all face. We deny it at our own peril. Better to embrace the truth of our mortality, allow peace to find us here and now, and live without fear. For fear and worry only waste what life we are given.

Who’s to say that Kirsten’s was an untimely death? We are but players on the stage, and we lack the director’s broad perspective. Sure there are some questions left unanswered, but there are forces at work that exist beyond our control. Who knows what will unfold in time?

I believe every morning you wake up, you’ve been blessed with a gift. What you do with that gift is entirely in your hands. The fruits of our labors may never be seen. But that’s no reason to stop believing our highest ideal, and working to make it real. Whatever you feed will grow. Kirsten’s work in raising awareness planted so many seeds, which even now are nurtured through people reading her work, and contributions aimed at continuing it. Now, the torch, it seems, has been passed…

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” These words from Mahatma Gandhi were written at the end of every email I ever received from my sister. More than anyone I know, she embodied this message. At a young age, she found her passion, and had the courage to allow it to direct her life, often sacrificing personal comforts and worldly success to win small battles on a beach you never heard of. She will always remain to me an example of living your truth, and being the change you wish to see.

Kirsten squeezed a lot of life into her short years.
She will be missed.

Thank you all for coming to celebrate her memory.

memorial contributions for Kirsten

while we have mentioned various foundations and websites regarding memorial contributions in Kirsten's name, we would like to suggest a specific conservation fund that has just been established by the Department of Interior's Gulf Islands National Seashore. this is the conservation group that Kirsten has worked with most recently and was very close to her heart.

please follow the link below to get specific information regarding the newly established foundation.

http://barrierislandgirl.blogspot.com/2008/12/memorial-being-established-for-kirsten.html

thank you all for your support. let's send this link around the world and let it have the impact that Kirsten was making herself.

special thanks to DJ and Mark for getting this together so quickly and publishing the information.

-dahlen family

kirsten's memorial service update

the funeral will be held saturday, december 13 at st. catherine of siena church. doors will open to visit family at 10am, followed by mass at 11:00. burial will be private.

St. Catherine of Siena
2501 Centerville Rd
Wilmington, DE 19808
(302) 633-4901


thank you all for reaching out and sharing how kirsten has touched your lives. your support in this is much appreciated. contacting such a large number of people is a colossal task. please spread the word to anyone you think may have been missed.

farewell to my sister, the turtlegirl

kirsten touched the lives of so many people. through her teaching, her writing, and her life, she made friends worldwide. by posting here, i hope to get the word out to as many of you as possible in a timely manner. as the drama of her death unfolds, and the arrangements are made, i will keep this page up to date. please be patient. i know there are loads of questions, and i'll try to address as many as i can.

first, the facts:
kirsten dahlen was found dead in our mother's home in delaware on the afternoon of tuesday, december 9. she had been in the area about 2 weeks, originally coming to attend my nephew, sebastian's, baptism. she had been in her usual spirits and health during most of this visit, not complaining of any disease apart from insomnia in her last 2 nights. she spent the last day of her life asleep, which we all assumed was the rest she needed. when i came to wake her, she had passed away. the cause of her death remains somewhat unclear, but is apparent that she died in her sleep, and i believe in peace. there is a general agreement that her history of eating disorders may have caused a weakening, and eventual failure in her heart. what actually triggered her death is still a mystery right now, and perhaps will stay so. time may reveal more, but this won't change the reality of her passing.

the target date for funeral services is saturday, december 13. the location will be saint catherine of siena church in wilmington, delaware.

kirsten carried such a bright torch in her environmental conservation work. she worked tirelessly to protect animals and habitats threatened by change. for this, she was my hero. to anyone interested in honoring her memory, i suggest supporting local environmental efforts, teaching a child about the treasures of nature, or simply going outdoors and celebrating the moment in whatever way you see fit. be the change. i hope to have something more complete to post, including ways to donate and contribute in her memory, in the coming week as the dust settles.

again, please be patient. i'll post details as they arrive.
our family is doing as well as we can given the situation, and we are humbled and grateful for the love and caring we've received already from those who knew kirsten.

so many emotions move during such a time... so many questions. in the end i find solace in the fact that kirsten is now resting in peace.

-sean